YOU MIGHT BE A CONSERVATIVE IF...
1. you 'pray to end abortion', but fight against birth control which actually prevents abortions.
2. you believe the US government spends too much money and then vote for a candidate who wants to spend 2 trillion more on defense.
3. you watch Fox News and think it is actually "Fair and Balanced."
4. you whine about socialized medicine and then send your kids to public school, collect your mail, and go to the public library all in the same day.
5. you think people who use drugs are evil, shiftless criminals while you are popping valium and drinking martinis.
6. you don't want the central government telling you what you can and can't do, but do want them telling LGBTQ people what they can and can't do.
7. you talk about freedom of religion and then put a "vote out the muslim" bumper sticker on your car.
8. you believe God has called you to be "a good steward of his gifts" and then fight against environmental concerns and deny global warming.
9. you get your undies in a bunch about people being "unpatriotic" and then when you lose the election you say, "Screw the USA. I am seceeding." (A friend helped me with the wording of this one)
10. you think teachers are lazy and overpaid, but think the wealthy need tax cuts.
11. you follow a Jesus who said, "Render unto Caesar, what is Caesar's" then accuse the government of extortion for collecting taxes.
12. you are for protecting the health of children up until they leave the uterus after that they are on their own.
13. you follow a Jesus who said "love your neighbor as yourself" and then you chant "let him die, let him die" when asked what to do with someone who does not have insurance.
14. you vote for a candidate because they are pro-life and they go and kill 100,000 innocent Iraqis.
15. you "support the troops" but yell at begging vets to "get a job" when they are homeless with PTSD and ask for some change.
My friends and I came up with well over fifty of these and I am sure we will come up with more. The point here isn't just to bag on conservatives though (althought I can't deny it IS kind of fun). While doing so can be fun for me it really doesn't achieve much. I once was a very conservative person who thought I knew everything. Now I know I really don't know much. Things I was so certain of 5 years ago, things I would have offensively argued over, are now things I don't even believe anymore. So, before you rudely attack someone stop and take a good look at yourself. What inconsistencies of thinking do you have in your life? Even if you don't have inconsistencies do you really want to hurt people over ideas which you may not even believe in a few years? Ideas and politics are all well and good, but people are more important. Treat them well, even if they are crazy conservatives or wacko liberals. ;)